little sweet nothings.

以後不管發生什麼事情，

不管是誰先放開誰的手，或是誰站在原地，

我們都要像現在，不要臉的拉住對方的手。

我要我們已後的愛情裡沒有專嚴，

只有相守一生的執著好嗎？

兩個人在一起，

有人牽著，說什麼都可以

有人回應著，說什麼也沒關係

不管再平凡也變得好幸福，因為有你。

你想要的是一個將心比心懂你痛的人，

因為心裡留下的那道傷口會不會好，只有靠你自己決定。

男人學不會的事...

是因為他再等一個女人幫他完成。

沒有人可以知道下一秒到你會發生什麼事，

所以只有在當下，面對我們最愛的人，

做出最好的選擇，近最大的努力。

你呢？你想要去哪一個站？

其實...去哪裡都可以...

因為，只要有你的那一站，就是幸福。

想成熟.

那天在咖啡廳突然看到你，我才知道我們說的都是假的。

"你說做朋友，並不是朋友。 我們比路人還陌生的多。"

這句歌詞你比誰都還熟悉吧？

不過只是想一直守在你身邊，做一個關心你的朋友的我...

現在應該可以放心了吧？看這你們緊緊的牽手走出去...

我知道，你的心中，應該早就遺忘了我吧？ 她會替我好好照顧你

提醒你早點睡覺，叮嚀你不要抽那麼多、喝那麼多，

不要忙到睡在工作室，放假就多回去陪陪家人...

我終於可以放手了。偶爾聽聽你的歌，想起你就夠了。

你需要的是一個有耐心，可以安靜待在你身邊的人，而那個人不可能是我。

我現在想許下一個承諾，好好的愛那個更需要我的人。

用我剩下的力氣...去彌補那些遺失的時間。

我好想成熟的告訴你...這些話...那我還是沒有那個勇氣，

我對你...還是太生氣了。

not my day.

...it really wasn't.

i cried so much.
the tears just wouldn't stop flowing.
wow i'm so pathetic.

i need to calm down.
i need to to reassure myself.
i need to be stronger.

my eyes are so dry now.
i bet i'm going to be super tired tomorrow.
maybe. just maybe...tomorrow will be MY day?

...i want to go home. but i'm stuck in taipei D:

sigh.

badminton.

Until today, I haven't realized how much I missed playing.
All that energy pumping and adrenaline running... it really was a good start to the day.

Although, it's ridiculous how everyone has to wake up at the break of dawn, go all the way down to the gym, stand in line forever, all in hopes of getting a court. Ridiculous! I woke up at 5:30 and I was like damnnn it's still dark out! My friend was already at the gym and it was already filled with people... When I got there around 6:05 the place was so so stuffed! Talk about being lucky, our group of friends got the LAST court available. Niceeeeeeee.

I've gotten really rusty after putting badminton off for a year. My friend seems to think that we'd do alright for mix-doubles. However, I really have my doubts. I've never excelled in badminton, and all the people who are practicing mix-doubles seemed well-trained. We certainly didn't stand a chance, but I guess I won't put out his fire just now. HAHA. He's burning with excitement and confidence.

Anyway, now I'm back, showered, and thinking about going back to bed. Crazy, this is the first time in a really long time I woke up so early for anything.

...but you gotta love badminton :D

Euro. Lit

With European Literature fresh in my mind, I kicked up the kick-stand on my bike, heading back to my building. Every biker that passed me seemed to tell a story…one can really tell a lot by the attire, manner, and trivial activities while one is on a bike. All one needs is a glimpse…no more than three seconds. Thus I started to wonder…if Aristophanes theory on love was correct…have I already zoomed past “the one” and simply lost him forever?

Aristophanes argued that once upon a time, some time long long ago…man and woman were one. Round in shape and physically connected –perhaps much like the yin and yang. However, for some unknown reason, all these round objects were soon torn apart into man and woman, along with their respective reproduction organs. Thus, each man or woman now doomed to spend their entire life simply seeking for “the one”, “the other half”. When they finally find each other, they must celebrate their reunion and become one again. In this case, our future is already predetermined. We have no choice what-so-ever to whom we would end up marrying…but how do we know who’s the one? Is it like…you’re strolling down the street and suddenly you’re like VIOLA! HE’S THE ONE! And everything is happily ever after?

Then there’s Socrates with a much more profound explanation of love, suggesting that love is quite simply a desire for beauty and nothing physical. Thus what we’re looking for is Beauty with a capitalized “B”. In Socrates case, Beauty is Knowledge. Thus he believes that “true love leads to ideas”.

Lastly there’s St. Augustine who thinks like life on Earth is purely worthless and the love for any human being is merely superficial or…in other words lustful. What really matters is the spirit, soul, and God. Life on Earth is only meaning in the sense that one takes each step in pursue to become closer to God and paradise in the afterlife. Thus the only true love one will have is his or her love for God.

However, I think the theory of “the one” is too bleak. If there truly was only ONE person that can be your true love… HOW THE HECK ARE WE SUPPOSE TO FIND HIM OR HER? We might spend our entire lives looking…and never get rewarded. So instead, I’d like to think that there are many people that can be “the one” as long as the situation permits it. Or in fact, as long as you work for a relationship, it can really work and true love will come hither. In this sense, we are in fully control of our true love. We create our own situations, memories, and perhaps emotions. Love as emotional and irrational…as it is can actually be defined as something simple and rational….Yet, I’d dream of magical relationships, of Prince Charming and Mr. Right. Sigh, perhaps I’m taking three steps backward, back to the hopeless romantic I once was.

Surprise surprise.

Today has been a surprisingly good day for me :)

In fact...the tables seem to have turned since last night after a received a most delightful phone call from someone I haven't heard from in awhile.

Always fun to catch up with an old friend.

Gloomy-ness.

yeah... random blabbers of a mind that makes no sense...
(yes i realized that most of this doesn't even make any sense...just scattered thoughts...)

Typhoon strikes with full fury, leaving as with fallen lamp-posts, dissembled bikes, scattered billiards...and more. I walked silently among the mushy leaves...so wet, so murky, so cold. It takes about 10-15 mins to walk to the front of the campus since my dorm is quite close to the end...It's pretty much a straight path, which freed my brain from the burdens of distinguishing and struggling with the different paths that one may encounter while trying to locate a particular classroom. With ease, my thoughts drift from one thought to another...I have too much time to think. As if to keep my mind from gloomy thoughts, my eyes dart from one direction to the next, flickering upon the nameless faces that surrounded me, passed me...suddenly I felt as if I was far away from home (but in reality it's only an hour away...) None of the familiarity, none of the smiles and winks. None.

I trudged behind a guy with a backpack filled with stars of various colors. He also wore a cap and baggy jeans...Suddenly, he stopped in his tracks. A girl with a provacative skirt was strolling toward us with a smirk on her face. Her eyes lit up with recognition and instantly I felt jealousy in my stomach. He reaches out for her and together they became to walk in the opposite direction.

Several days earlier, my friend thought me laughable, since I hide in my dorms to eat alone because I don't want to be caught eating alone out...that just seems too lonely and embarrassing. My friend teasingly told me that I should most definitely take advantage of my location...proudly stroll into the guy's dormitory and sit alone at their cafeteria. This will supposedly up my chances of finding a boyfriend...because having a boyfriend in the same university will certainly be a quick answer to all my loneliness...or would it?

Finally, I reached my bike and unlocked it. I realized that I didn't want to head back to the dorms just to be alone again. So instead I peddeled this way and that...not really going to any destination but just enjoying the soft breeze. I noticed myself closing my eyes, letting the wind carry me as I pass over a small bridge.

Being alone isn't that bad. So much freedom, so much time.
Too bad being alone forever isn't our nature...

I wish I knew what to do. How to behave. I want to give in, but at the same time I know I need to learn to be independent...I'm so confused.